RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

Driving home from the Post Office today, I approached an intersection, but a large van, with lights flashing, blocked the road. After navigating around it, I saw a young woman carrying a gas can. She looked frantic and asked for a ride. I opened my door. She look relieved and took the passenger's seat. She also carried an electronic item, which she said she was preparing to pawn, and the pawn shop was located near the gas station that we both frequented. I told her I'd buy the gas and, looking shocked, she said, "Really."

As we drove to the station, she said that it was really hard for her to ask for help, and I sensed she was very appreciative of the ride. She spoke of her husband and four children, ages nine-to-two. She related that they had lived in a shelter, until they could receive a house. She added that she always paid her bills at the first of the month and, because of the summer heat, her electric bill was very high, and the remainder of the month she had little money for food and gas. That morning she had visited the Food Pantry for assistance.

At the station, I gave her a $20 bill. She prepaid for the gas and filled her container. She went in for the change and, on re-entering the car, she handed it to me. I told her to keep it. She promptly said that she would return to the station and fill her tank.

Then, she turned to me and said, "My name is Mollie. What is yours?"

I replied, "Linda."

Mollie appeared relieved. She spoke of her fears and confusion. I shared that, when I was in such a state, I would sit quietly and pray. I told her that God knows our every need, and I am always amazed how the solutions come.

As Mollie stepped out of my car, I quietly handed her another bill, which would allow her to breathe easier for the remainder of the month.

As I drove, I felt blessed that I could love another through a random act of kindness.

NON-JUDGMENT

Following yesterday's blog, you might ask, "Why do bad things happen to good people or, the converse, why do good things happen to bad people?"

I reply, "Who am I to judge a soul's journey?"

Souls incarnate on this planet for a myriad of purposes and to learn a similar number of spiritual lessons.

For instance, many ask, "Why would a loving God allow a beautiful, innocent child to die?"

I respond, "Who am I to know the duration of a soul's stay in any particular embodiment. If an angelic soul has taken a bodily form, perhaps they have come to help others grow spiritually? Perhaps, those they came to help only grow through the pain of the child's death?" The Universe is filled with infinite possibilities and is orchestrated by Divine Intelligence, which operates beyond any human understanding.

I have many past-life memories and have often pondered these questions. I am currently working on a book, Beyond the Red Earth, a Soul's Journey, which will complete my Red Earth Trilogy.

One of the topics I am processing is the current belief in the black and white or reward punishment nature of karma. This is a very simplistic, linear view, with which I take issue. In this holographic universe, I suspect the dots connect in a much more complex and convoluted fashion.

TO THE READER

For you, the reader, I thought you might like to know more about me. This is a distillation of my beliefs.

I am a very spiritual person, but I am not an advocate of any particular religion. I believe there are elements of sacred truths within various religious traditions but, as in so many things, my approach is very eclectic. My Higher Source or God is the Positive Force of the Universe. Some say, the only religion is the religion of Love. I agree.

My life's intent is to align my will with the Divine Will. I frequently pray, or talk to God, and I pray only for the knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry it out.

To meditate, I spend much time in solitude and silence, and my path is revealed through that intuitive knowing, that inner voice, our connection to the Divine.

My Source is all loving and only wants the best for me, but my thoughts and subsequent actions and emotions must be properly directed, which might entail physical or emotional pain or discomfort. In other words, the Universe has to get my attention.

I also believe that my life's events happen in Divine Right Order, but I may not like or understand the order. My experience has been that out of the most negative appearing events can evolve the highest good for all concerned.

LOOK WITHIN

Many years ago, I traveled to Texas' Big Bend State Park. While there, I found a biography, Border Healing Woman, on Jewel Babb, who was eighty at the time of the book's publication in 1981.

Ms. Babb lived the latter portion of her life on the Texas-Mexico border. She grew up in the days of horse-drawn wagons and cattle roundups. She married, raised children and, in later years, discovered her healing powers.

When her biography was written, Ms. Babb resided alone, living in a home without electricity or running water. There many sought her for her wisdom, her cures and to learn her healing methods. Since reading of Ms. Babb's life, I have valued her wisdom.

"Television makes me sick," said Ms. Babb. "People who look at TV know what other people know. I want to know what I know."

She added, "If you go to church, you'll hear it how they tell it. But if you sit on a hill for fifteen years, with your animals and no one else, you learn a lot. It comes to you."

For many years, I have lived alone on my hill, with my animals. Ms. Babb was right. It comes to you.

THE INWARD JOURNEY

Our inward journey is to our true Selves and to the Divine.

I am very aware that I am being led to continue to release ideas, attitudes, behaviors and objects, which no longer serve my highest good or the highest good of all concerned.

I am currently on an office hiatus. With solitude, rest and diminished demands on my energy, I feel significant internal shifts are occurring.

Last night, I had another dream, one of many, of my childhood, satanic abuse. In the dream, I was going to a "spiritual retreat" with a group of women whom I admired. We walked along a wooded path toward a gathering place. Suddenly, I was aware that I had been duped. The group leaders were members of a cult, and they were luring us to a satanic ceremony. I did not want to loose my new found friends. I was frozen in silence and continued to walk with them on the path. I awoke in fear.

The dream has haunted me today. I ask myself, "What is the Universe attempting to show me?"

Many thoughts have come.
- Be a leader, not a follower.
- To be true to my highest good, I must often walk alone. (However, I am always accompanied by the Divine.)
- Happiness is not derived from society. It is a byproduct of following God's will.

The answers may be these and/or many others. It will be revealed.

TRANSITIONS

As we evolve spiritually, we travel to our centers and our truth.

For many years, I have recurrently dreamed that, even as an M.D., because of a clerical error, I had to repeat my senior year of high school to receive my high school diploma. I was humiliated.

Because of childhood programing, one theme in my life has been that regardless of my achievements, I could not succeed. Prior to medical school graduation, I became intensely suicidal. To approach an assault on my programing, such as walking across the stage and accepting my diploma, created almost unbearable stress.

During those four years of living hell, I thought I would surely die of a brain tumor or leukemia before I received the coveted degree.

For eleven years after graduation, I trained and practiced in the field of pathology. Following considerable, personal growth, I realized in pathology I dealt with dis-eased bodies, which were often the result of dis-eased thoughts and the subsequent emotions and actions they generated. Twenty-five years ago, I retrained as a psychiatrist, the field in which I currently practice.

As I approach retirement, my dreams indicate that I am having difficulty transitioning from a human doing to a human being. For several years, I have dreamed, because my skills were rusty, I must repeat my pathology training. Again, my achievements are not "good enough," and there is more for me to do before I rest or play. On awakening, I felt guilty about the many times, during my medical training and career that I was unavailable emotionally or physically for my three children.

Because of my commitment to my patients and my fear of financial insecurity, I have pushed myself to continue my practice. My gastrointestinal tract is a perfect barometer of my emotional state. Eighteen months ago, my alimentary canal went into full revolt. It informed me, in no uncertain terms, that if I didn't quickly do something, drastically different, death was eminent. So, out of desperation, I decreased my patient load and my hours in the office.

For several months now, when I go into the office, I often feel as though I am dying. Last night, the dream of returning for a second pathology residency was more vivid than ever before. I had an infant. She was malnourished, lethargic and near death. If I attempted to perform the tasks entailed in the residency, she would die. I awoke knowing the child was me.

Soon, I know that I must leave my psychiatric practice. This phase of my life is drawing to a close. If I am to continue to help others, I will do so via another vehicle.

For many years, I have been drawn to follow my passions, art and writing, which issue from my center, my true self. As of yet, my literary footprint has been invisible, and I have not publicly shown my art. I am coming to know that it is not important that I have an audience, receive praise or earn an income from these endeavors. What is important is that I follow my passion and my truth, and so it is.

SEVEN DAYS IN UTOPIA

Beautiful movie,
Staring Robert Duval,
Movie's message,
SFT: See, Feel, Trust
Not think, think, think,
But see with eyes that see,
Feel your heart's truth and
Trust God
Movie concludes:
Utopia is the place where the truth lies.